Always find time for your friends, as they are the ones who will help you out of the "ruts in the road".
Feeling VERY blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing Souls, and even more blessed that tomorrow marks the first day of our annual "Dynamo Getaway" with a great group of ladies. This is my yearly "Soul Therapy". We make so many amazing memories and just re energize our Souls in a few short days. We always come home with smiles on our faces and bellies that hurt so bad from all the laughing. I am thankful to have these yearly getaways and look forward to re energizing my Soul with walks along the beach and some song therapy - look out neighbours! Always find time for your friends, as they are the ones who will help you out of the "ruts in the road".
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Too often we are told not to feel sad, angry, lonely, etc., but rather to "turn that frown upside down". I'm I’ve learned the hard way over the years what suppressing your emotions can do. I’m not gonna lie, I am probably one of the first people who gets uncomfortable if someone is angry, sad or unhappy around me as I’m a fixer and I want everyone to be happy, but I am working hard at trying not to do this anymore, but rather to just be there and hold the space for them to allow their emotions to be free (it’s a HUGE work in progress for me and a hard one at that). This week, I’ve had my fair share of this with others and with myself. As a “fixer” the hardest part is to see people hurting and knowing you can’t fix them, but when you “let go and let God”, you realize it never was your place to fix them. Just as with Reflexology, I am NOT a healer or a fixer, I am simply allowing the space for people to “be” and allowing a higher power to do the work on them for their highest good. I’ve been an emotional basket case this week with the full moon, wonky energies around, some health issues and waiting on news that hasn’t arrived yet (likely lack of sleep playing a role as well). I can feel the emotions in the top of my forehead and they just want to pour out sweet release, but since my breakdown I find it hard to just “let them release” as I don’t want people to think I am “weak”. Today I am realizing that this is ridiculous and that in order for me to continue on this healing journey and to lose the weight I need to honor these emotions, continue to feel them and allow them to release as going back to my old ways of stuffing these emotions away caused me to fall off track today and now I feel like CRAP! Thankfully I didn’t allow myself to fully let go (gave the rest of the pop can to my husband to finish as I realized that it wasn’t stuffing my emotions away, it was making me feel sick, I disliked EVERY bit of mac and cheese as it no longer had the comfort taste it use to have in the past when I’d eat it, and I stopped at ½ the ice cap as I decided I didn’t really want to waste 17 pts on something that really lost its taste after two sips – now as I write this I am seeing that really I didn’t do too bad after all compared to the past!).
After struggling with why I am feeling these feelings (as I didn’t know until I started writing this), I came across an article on Facebook that hit home for me yet again (and something I already knew but needed that reminder). Weight loss is NEVER going to last if we don’t heal the inner parts of us that are hurting and yearning for food to stuff the hurt away, I knew getting to the roots were gonna be hard, but dang, after the last few weeks of Hypnotherapy, I’ve felt like an emotional basket case. This crap REALLY is hard to let go of. Partially because you begin to want to take off ALL the masks now that you’ve been wearing over the years and you are starting to realize your true self and it no longer wants to please others and play roles like it used to in the past. Trust me, at one point I was ready to “throw in the towel” as this crap is exhausting (it’s so much easier to put on a mask and play a role), I come out of hypnotherapy ready to go to bed – poor Nate must think “there she goes again” as by the end I’m in such an exhausted haze that I feel like I am staring into space! I KNOW this process of healing the roots is the best thing I can do, but some days I just wish it could be a much simpler process – than I phrase I tell my clients comes in “We didn’t get this way over night, so we can’t expect to heal overnight either” – gee it’s so much easier telling people stuff than it is to live it! I am so thankful to so many people for keeping it real and baring their Soul (part of the reason I do mine- well PART of mine) as these people inspire me and help me to see that this journey isn’t a perfect straight line, it’s one with hills, curves, bends and some really big pot holes BUT as long as we keep going we CAN DO IT! No matter how deep in the hole you feel you are, you can ALWAYS get out! Sometimes we just need to ask for help! Here is the story that showed up on my wall - what an inspirational Soul she is http://www.eonline.com/news/760318/the-biggest-loser-s-ali-vincent-gained-back-most-of-the-weight-she-lost-and-is-determined-to-drop-the-pounds After a week of eating amazing new desserts I am STILL down 3.5 lbs.!!!!!! I am SUPER excited! I’m .8 lbs. away from hitting the 25 lbs. mark! 12 weeks ago I NEVER in my wildest dreams thought I’d be at this point. I had another “release” after hypnotherapy with Nate last week and felt drained emotionally and physically BUT it was so worth it as it’s been 2 weeks now of down 3 lbs. (where before it was 1.9 or less most weeks). I had a huge accomplishment in my driving (drove from Waterloo to home on my own – a stretch I haven’t done in over 10 years I’m guessing), I felt so good that I decided to try another portion of the highway even though Nate suggested I don’t do it yet – but you all know me, I NEVER listen and always want to push through faster than I should at things. Well I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED as I tried it and had a HUGE (and I mean HUGE) panic attack :/ I felt like I failed and had gone back to the old me, but after talking with Nate today in our session, I feel so much better knowing others have done this too, and it’s normal to want to “bite off more than we can chew” just to test our limits. After he did his magic on me, I no longer felt the anxiety I did after having that panic attack this week. I also learned a super amazing trick from him to help me build some healthy boundaries as I am the type of person who takes things personally. Nate helped me to see that when people are rude to you, they are in fact the ones hurting and feeling those things inside themselves. I totally felt sweet release after this trick he taught me, and I look forward to using it from now on – I know it won’t be easy at first, but I am going to rock this one step at a time just like my weight loss. I know the Hypnotherapy combined with WW is a huge part of my success as not only am I learning how to eat BUT I am learning how to get go of all the junk that WAS ‘weighing me down”. One of the affirmations I say several times daily that I truly feel is helping me is “I shed my weight easily and effortlessly, as I no longer need it. I am safe, loved and protected” – looks like it was working as I shed 7 lbs. in the last two weeks! It’s amazing how much our words and others can affect us. I LOVE my weekends as my WW meeting and Hypnotherapy session has been therapy for my Mind, Body and Soul!
Is SUPER excited to hit a "Milestone" today! In all the things I have done to try and lose weight, I don't recall EVER hitting the 20 lbs mark. Today I DID !!!! I am so thankful to all the people who helped me in the past as I took a part of everything I have tried/learned to get to where I am today. A SUPER huge thanks to our FABULOUS WW leader Nancy for always being real and inspiring me, ALL the fabulous people in my Saturday AM WW group, and my amazing girlfriend friends who go with me each week to keep me accountable - love u ladies ! As well as my super amazing Hypnotherapist Nate Hager who in only a couple sessions has helped me to see the beauty in myself and my worth, as well as help me release a LOT of past junk so far that led to a big 3.3 lbs weight loss this week (the release was not easy but so worth it), also my awesome Chiropractor Sara for helping me to see what my body is holding onto and my awesome Naturopath Katherine for helping me to get my body/hormones back in balance to help make this all possible. I truly am blessed to have this network of amazing Souls in my life, and hitting this milestone in my life just proves what positive support, affirmations and belief in yourself can do. I know this journey is a life long one, but I am so ready to hike it💖
"When you no longer blame the dryer for shrinking your clothes" Not gonna lie, I was SUPER proud of myself today! Looks like I DID do a LOT of “purging/releasing/detoxing” this weekend, as today I had the urge to drive a section of highway that I haven’t driven in almost 2 ½ years! Something came over me and I went back and forth for a minute with it, but then said NOPE I’M DOING IT! I turned up my Tenors music, and began saying affirmations out loud (must have looked ridiculous to the people driving beside me, but I didn’t really care). A couple times I felt a little anxious and said the affirmations stronger and louder BUT was nowhere near the panic attack feeling like I’d have pre Hypnotherapy! I was so excited I even decided to celebrate and add some purple to my hair when I arrived at my hairdresser. I felt so powerful and wanted it to reflect on me. I know it’s not the full stretch of highway, but it’s a stretch I haven’t done since my Uncle Passed away and while only a baby step, IT’S A STEP in the RIGHT DIRECTION! Can’t wait to go to Friday’s Hypnotherapy Session and say all the break trough’s I had this week! I always knew clearing “root issues” were hard, but I never imagined all the emotions it would stir up, and I choose to now release them ALL for GOOD! NEVER give up HOPE on anything you want to achieve in life, even if you have tried and failed dozens of times, as those times of failure are actually blessings as they teach you something and are a link to the puzzle that helps it all come together one day. I cannot stress enough how you need to be VERY cautious of your words, as they have the power to make or break someone’s day that is vulnerable and does not have firm healthy boundaries in place. I was reminded of that yet again. I ran into someone who I hadn’t seen in months (maybe even a year), and before I could even get a hello in they looked at me with a look of disgust and said “don’t you think you only need one bag” as they looked at the pile of bags in my shopping cart. I was so blown away, it took my breath away for a minute and then I went right to defending myself by saying I have two teenage boys in the house – which I should NOT have to do. I have been working so hard the last 10 weeks to get healthy and was so super proud of myself, and this person robbed me of this joy and pride (because I let them). Immediately I went back to when I was young and this person would constantly put me down and criticize me for my weight which I now see I held on to as protection and like a security blanket from so many things in my life. Instantly I heard Nate's voice come into my head (my Hypnotherapist) and say “BOUNDARIES” and “AFFIRMATIONS”. I pulled myself back together (where before I would have stayed shattered) and instantly put up a wall of protection between my energy and this persons, and I began saying affirmations loudly in my head as this person chatted to me (You are beautiful, you are strong, you are powerful, you are enough, you are courageous, you are ……..) the anxiety began to leave my body and I felt myself stand taller. My voice was not ready to speak up yet (in a kind way of course), but at least I stood tall. I was able to get through the rest of my shopping by listening to Nate's voice in my head reassuring me of ALL the things I WAS and kept repeating them over and over. I thought I was OK but then on the drive home a HUGE wave of emotion took over me and ALL the things this person said to me over the years came flooding in my body and out my eyes (hard to drive when you are teary eyed!). I was angry, sad, and resentful all at once. I was super angry at first this person robbed me of my beauty all these years and my pride now, but then remembered Nate's wise words of wisdom (can’t remember the exact wording but something like) “People who put others down are obviously not happy with themselves and need to mirror it on others”. I began to affirm that I forgive this person, but now I am seeing that I am super glad I have a LOT more sessions with Nate left as this part I thought would be easy, appears to be a LOT tougher than I thought for some people I try to forgive (and I am a VERY forgiving person). I than remembered how he said that I would be “releasing” junk this weekend and began to wonder if the Universe put this person on my path after months of not seeing them to test me and to help me release the hold/power they had over me so I can take all my power back. I am FAR from perfect, and I have said LOTS of hurtful things over the years that I have regretted, but the trick is you need to start realizing what you are doing wrong and learn to STOP doing these things and realize how much damage they do to a person’s Soul. I have also spent MANY nights asking for forgiveness at a spiritual level for hurting these people and forgiveness for myself and sending them love and light. The BIGGEST mistake we make is thinking we need to heal others. We need NOT heal others, all we need to do is heal ourselves so the waves of vibration and healing can spread around the world and help others heal themselves as well. Some would say I am too sensitive and I need to “get over it”, but for someone who’s an Empath and who’s has a heart like her Oma who was a true Angel that walked this earth, it’s not an easy task as you feel FAR more emotions than the average person and it’s amplified 100x. I would not trade this for the world, but some days I just wish it would be a lot less powerful. This is where HEALTHY BOUNDARIES comes in to play. I look forward to learning this via Nate and a course I am taking via a wonderful intuitive friend. I share this experience NOT to seek empathy from people as I choose NOT to be a victim any more; I do it for two reasons. One to help US all remember to choose our words wisely (and trust me I still have slips) and also as a reminder to check your own boundaries. Even more confirmation to pull my boundaries book out of my pile of “to read” books! It’s time to stop sweeping the hurt and emotions deeper under the carpet and to bring them to the surface to heal and let go (even though it’s hard as hell to do!) as when you can peel the layers and get to the root, you TRULY are FREE! LIVE – LAUGH- LEARN- GROW- but most of all SPREAD LOVE and LIGHT where ever you go! I went to my sister's Church today as every so often they run talks on certain topics. The topic today in this series was Lying. During it things popped up and my hypnotherapy sessions came to mind and everything we talked about and what was brought up went through my head and what stood out the most in this session was these words that came to me while the Pastor was talking:
"The biggest lies we tell, are the lies we tell ourselves". I am looking forward to the next few weeks of Hypnotherapy to release more of these lies, and move closer to the life of my dreams. What lies are you telling yourself? (e.g. I'm not good enough, I am not beautiful enough, I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve to be respected, I am ........) STOP lying to yourself - it's the best reward you can give yourself! ALSO, I Was reminded to never forget the impact you have on someone else’s life. Too many are so caught up in our own lives, that they forget the impact a kind word, smile, etc. can have on someone’s life who is going through things. It’s amazing how these simple things can change someone’s outlook or day. While releasing all the things that have risen to the surface to be healed this weekend, I’ve been dealing with heightened emotions and anxieties, as well as exhaustion from letting it all go (it’s hard work letting go of things you have lived with for over 20 years), but thanks to some amazing Souls wise words of wisdom, positive energy and just over all awesomeness I have been able to see the light in the darkness and it has made it that much easier to shed. So many people are going through battles that we have no idea they are facing. It’s that much more reason to be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet as you never know how much that gesture or word you do/say will impact their day. While on the journey to living your dreams, don’t forget all those who aren’t there yet, or who helped you get to where you are today, as we all need to walk each other home. PART 2 of my homework assignment involves imagining myself living the life of my dreams, visualizing it, feeling it, seeing how it makes you feel and being grateful for it coming my way. "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change" - Author Unknown. Yesterday I spent part of the day doing the homework my Hypnotherapist gave me. I was to write out POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS for ALL the things I have told myself or that others have told me over the years, and change them into positive affirmations. I have ALWAYS been a fan of Louise Hay’s “You can heal your life book”, and have used affirmations in my past, but it wasn’t until my session with Nate that I REALLY saw just how powerful words can be (and sometimes not even words but how people speak them or the actions they do which are sometimes louder than the actual words). I was shocked at how many things came to the surface to be healed during our session on Friday (no wonder I am feeling off as I am releasing so much “junk”). My homework requires me to say positive affirmations 2x a day to counter act all the negative things I or others have been saying to myself. I can honestly say that I can feel a tiny bit of difference already in one day. The minute a negative thought creeps up inside me, I replace it with the opposite (e.g. I am scared = I AM COURAGEOUS) – trust me it’s NOT easy at first and I have to repeat them over and over till the voice gets silenced. I truly feel EVERY school should have a course in affirmations to build confidence in all our kids.
I encourage you all to take an hour or so to sit down and think of all the things that have been filling your head over the years (Fat, Scared, Useless, Ugly, Lazy, Dumb etc.) and write a list of the opposites. Place them somewhere you will see it daily and repeat them to yourself over and over until those negative thoughts fade away. (Thanks to Nate, I was able to go deeper than I ever could on my own to see the root cause of these words and peel the onion layers away) Note: I some of my words start with “I” e.g. “I LET GO” rather than “I AM” At today’s WW meeting we were asked if we had a good support system. One person mentioned that our friends are usually there to cheer us up, but sometimes you need a good SUPPORT system to talk to. I am so thankful for all the people in my support system, especially in my WW group. Something someone in the group said today just saved me from going into a downward spiral tonight. They said “instead of saying we had a good day or a bad day, why not say a good day and a human day”. OMGosh I have NEVER looked at it this way before until today. Before I looked at my “slips” as a “bad day” and some guilt came along with that label, which sometimes allowed me to dip further into that “bad day”. But tonight while turning to Ketchup Chips for comfort food and saying to hell with it, I stopped myself in the third handful and thought of those wise words of wisdom (cause the chips really didn't tasted that good anyway). I heard the voice in my head say, this is not a BAD day, you are being human”. I instantly felt a release and decided that I did still need the comfort of the chips in this moment, but rather than saying to hell with it and bringing the bag to the couch and not counting them, I decided that I would not allow this to put me in a downward spiral like in the past, as I am starting to regain the control over my thoughts, I brought out my scale and measured out a bowl full (plus added on for what I thought I had already ate was worth). Suddenly I wasn’t feeling guilt anymore, and I could see the REAL picture clearly now. I was craving food as I was craving comfort and missing something.
Yesterday I had another Hypnotherapy session. I peeled away a LOT of layers which was fabulous, but as a result I was exhausted and drained at the end (which I was warned could happen). It was suggested that I take the weekend easy, as the next few days I would be detoxing and releasing all the “junk” that was buried and rising to the surface to be cleansed. Of course the stubbornness in me was NOT going to miss out on the weekend plans I had for that night so I went out anyway. Between the late night and the detoxing, I began to feel crappy by noon. My emotions were a mixture of highs and lows and things were coming to my mind that needed to be heard (but of course we don’t want to hear). I am so ready to be done with these things that are holding me back, but boy oh boy it’s a lot of work!. I was feeling rotten and decided to stay home from the dinner we were to be attending today, and the guilt of listening to my body and not going with my family, combined with not feeling well and the releasing, caused this binge in me. I must say, even though I had a “human day today” after being so careful and trying so hard last night at our girlfriend’s night out, I am proud of myself for not allowing the guilt to take over completely – baby steps! I signed up for these Hypnotherapy sessions to cure my fear of driving, but boy oh boy I had no idea it really wasn’t my fear of driving causing all the issues, it was so much more and so much deeper. The “Roots” are buried so deep that it takes a lot of help/searching to get to them, but the work is going to be so much worth it. It’s time to get my affirmations back out and dust off my Louise Hay “You can heal your life book”! If you are ready for change and tired of being stuck, it’s something to look into. It’s not cheap (I've learned we really can't put a price tag on our wellness), BUT compared to therapy sessions I did YEARS ago, it’s 100x better and just as much money! Our past can cause so many issues in us, and sometimes we aren’t even conscious of what all those things holding us back are. Tonight I will honor my Mind, Body and Spirit, and sit in a nice hot Epsom bath, allowing these memories to rise to the surface and to be cleansed with no judgment and no attachment. Don’t EVER feel guilty for honoring your body and saying no to others, it’s good to set healthy boundaries (something my Hypnotherapist keeps reminding me of – BOUNDARIES – yes, yes, yes I am a work in progress and my boundaries will become stronger and stronger)! I know I could be down a lot more each week if I’d replace a lot of my food choices, but through the years I have learned that the “German” in me is not going to give up my desserts and be able to make it a “life style change”. Everything I have tried over the years that required me to give up my “treats” ended up in me quitting, binging on the junk foods and then gaining all the weight PLUS 10-20 lbs. more. I am learning to embrace this journey slowly while enjoying the sweetness in life. I have also gotten a LOT better at not eating for my emotions like I would all the time as I feel in control knowing I can eat what I want. I am moving towards eating the sweets less (which I have done a fabulous job so far), and picking better choices (I even gave up eating a chocolate bar I bought while on tour with my Dad and Nephew the other day as it was 13 pts – I gave it to my nephew once I figured that one out!). Today I picked up some Epicure spices from a friend and am LOVING them! Great on the mini cakes under my “Recipe” section and on the SKYR Vanilla Yogurt. I truly believe now that we need to still enjoy the pleasures in life if we want to keep our weight off for good (not just till we reach our goal).
I am a "visual person", and losing the recommended 1-2 lbs. per week is hard to keep motivated when you only see the down 1.9 lbs. in your tracking book, so I decided to stop by the dollar store after our meeting last week and buy me some rocks to represent a pound of fat (colourful fat :D ). Seeing my “starting jar” get lower and my “goal jar” get higher is really starting to motivate me. When I have a bad day, I just take a look at my jar sitting on top my computer desk and it reminds me of how far I have come.
Too often I get hung up on the scale, and forget to remember all the other things that have changed since starting weight watchers that are just as important as my weight.
We were challenged to "Try Something New" at last weeks WW meeting in regards to what we eat. Thanks to this fabulous machine I've tried LOTS of new things 👍😊👍 (note the beet chips were not made with the Spiralizer ) Best $16 spent in a long time. Sometimes we just need to be inspired by others to step outside our comfort zone.
I challenge you to pick one new item each week when you buy groceries. Here is a link a great friend told me about if you like to Spiralize too. http://inspiralized.com/ Well I'm already doing fabulous on the "body part", so now it's time to incorporate more of the Mind/Soul parts. As I mentioned the other week I have started seeing a Hypnotherapist to help me get over my driving issues. Little did I know he would help me with FAR more than that. Not gonna lie, I have been skeptical as I have tried SO MANY things over the years and nothing has fully cured me and my issues, so I am hesitant to fully believe this will work, BUT I am a FIRM believer of "never say never" and after today I am leaning more on the believing edge to this. I have come to the conclusion after today's session (just an intake today), that even if Nate doesn't cure me of my driving issues (which I now believe it's a good chance he will), he has helped me peel MANY onion layers away in 1 1/2 hrs. that MONTHS of therapy never did. I had MANY "aha moments" and realizations today, it's like he was reading my mind or something as ALL the questions he asked or comments he made were exactly what I needed to hear OR helped me to open up and see things. He even helped me SEE things my body knew yet my eyes wanted to keep hidden. The thing with HEALING rather than MASKING is the closer you get to the root of your issues, the harder it gets as that’s the mucky stuff that we’ve been using food, drugs, alcohol, sex, spending (whatever your addiction is) to keep that stuff hidden which just eats at us more and more. BUT digging through this mucky stuff will only allow us to come out much stronger than when we went in. I KNOW it’s not gonna be easy and it’s gonna be one heck of an emotional roller coaster BUT I also know that having MY life back is so much more worth it. Nate has such a calming, caring personality that you can’t help but open up, which is just what you need when you are going on a journey to discovering WHO YOU ARE. I have no idea where this road is going to take me, I just know that I need to follow every winding path along the way to reach my destination. I keep telling Nate that if he can cure me, than he can cure ANYONE! I’ll keep you all posted on my progress! I’m scared as heck, but like Nate says, if we aren’t doing stuff that gives us a little bit of fear, we aren’t progressing – which is SO SO SO true! But then again our ego doesn’t want us to progress so it’s a battle to see who’s stronger! You can check Nate out on Facebook. I found out about him via an AMAZING friend/Soul at the ROCK SPA on Victoria St. in Kitchener – a place EVERYONE should visit – you can’t help but walk out of there uplifted and inspired! Nate Hager-Hypnotist (Facebook) www.getpastit.ca http://www.therockspa.com/ |