It's amazing how we can think we are having one of the worst weeks, where nothing seems to be going right, we fall off track in our routine and people around us are full of anger and feel they need to vent it on you, than something happens and we have an "aha" moment and realize that through that storm we actually had a profound healing experience and grew as a person or got one step closer to our goal.
Yesterday at our POSH meeting, the whole way there I was trying to come up with excuses I could use to get out of being weighed in as my week had been FULL of all the items listed above. While I did have one MAJOR "aha" moment during that week of trials, I was so off track that I did not want to see the results on the scale. Thankfully I chickened out as I couldn't come up with a good excuse not to be weighed in. I almost fell off the scale when I learned I had LOST 3 pds!!!! Honestly, if you had seen what I all ate you would be shocked too....AND to top it off my blood pressure was way down as well! It wasn't till we were sitting in our meeting talking that it "all came together" (funny how things just all the sudden come to the surface and it becomes so clear).
Here is the "aha" moments that I have made since my previous POSH meeting before this Fridays (and some came on this Fridays).
The previous POSH meeting I came to the realization (knew some of these before) that I am a "control freak" (which I knew but struggled for years on WHY), and that I turn to food, as when I eat I feel in control as NO ONE can control what I eat. I also learned that I don't like stating my true feelings as I don't want to hurt others (I didn't not know why as I can tell my husband things I am upset with or say it how it is but I can't to others). After doing a session of "Heart Math" during our POSH session (which I had done years ago in my Mindful Breathing Classes"), I began to feel that inner spark inside me beginning to grow and shine again, I felt stronger and when I left that meeting, I had a talk with someone about things that were upsetting me that they were doing, that I had kept in all these years. While it felt good to finally express them, I felt bad that it made them feel sad and the whole guilt thing came back about expressing my feelings. It's when I told another friend that life is so much easier when we just eat our emotions away than when we feel them and express them, that I realized I needed to get to the bottom of what is causing me to do this. Turning to food does NOT solve our problems, it just makes them worse. After chatting with another friend and my hubby and than journaling and reflecting I have come to some pretty profound conclusions, ones I have struggled for YEARS to know. I knew parts of these things (the layers) and I thought I had dealt with them, but it turns out the ROOT of these layers were buried so deep that I wasn't able to understand it until I got down to it.
1. I am a control freak - but why?
2. I eat for my emotions - but why?
3. I don't share my true feelings - but why?
Well, it turns out that I don't share my true feelings as I am scared to upset people, and if I upset them they may leave, so in turn I turn to food as the emotions bottled up inside me are far to powerful to feel and I need to eat the food to control the emotions. If I can't control what others do and say at least I can control what I put into my mouth and how it makes me feel.
Layers - these are all the things that were peeling away to help me see the big picture (with the help of some amazing Souls in my life, who each brought little pieces of the puzzle together to help me get to the root)
Root Cause - I couldn't control losing my Mom to cancer when I was four, so I try and control everything else in my life to get my power back from losing her. Also, by losing so many people close to me to death, I am scared to lose any more, hence why I always feel I need to keep the peace.
It's amazing how healing it can be to finally get to the "Root" of the problems you are having - it took YEARS to get here!. I really believe this had a huge effect on the 3 pds lost this week as it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and Soul. Do I know what to do with this new information and how to deal with it to solve it? NO, but at least I am now at the deepest layer of the issue and I can find ways to work through the root cause of it. I thought I had dealt with my Mom's passing all those years ago, but I guess I still have parts of my "inner child" that I need to heal and LET GO.
Going through these storms was NOT easy, but the rewards were well worth the rain. God never promised us only sunshine and rainbows BUT he did promise to be with us every step of the way, and that is what gets me through each and everyone of these storms along the way.
I truly believe people are put into our lives for a reason, and these last few weeks proved that. Each and every person that played a part in my journey has got me to the point I am at now whether they pushed my buttons to make me see issues and heal or held my hand to help me cope. Never regret ANYTHING or ANYONE from your past as they all played a part to make you who you are today. I am so thankful for these POSH meetings, as together as a group we have learned so many things and while my weight may not be where I would like it (cause I am REALLY wanting that tattoo!!!), the things I have walked away with each week have been more then worth the slow and steady walk to the finish line.
Never stop getting to the "Root" of your problems, I'm not gonna lie, it WILL be uncomfortable, you will go through storms and some days you may want to give up, but it is so rewarding mentally, emotionally and physically when you do. Yes, it is easier to take that pill or eat that food, but in the end where does covering up the issue get you?
Oddly enough since going through these storms, I have also experienced the most amazing spiritual things going on as well. I've had this amazing energy going through my "Crown Chakra" that feels like a waterfall clearing away all that was previously blocked. Just like the rain that is pouring down outside right now which is clearing away so much for so many, every thing always feels better after the cleanse!
Yesterday at our POSH meeting, the whole way there I was trying to come up with excuses I could use to get out of being weighed in as my week had been FULL of all the items listed above. While I did have one MAJOR "aha" moment during that week of trials, I was so off track that I did not want to see the results on the scale. Thankfully I chickened out as I couldn't come up with a good excuse not to be weighed in. I almost fell off the scale when I learned I had LOST 3 pds!!!! Honestly, if you had seen what I all ate you would be shocked too....AND to top it off my blood pressure was way down as well! It wasn't till we were sitting in our meeting talking that it "all came together" (funny how things just all the sudden come to the surface and it becomes so clear).
Here is the "aha" moments that I have made since my previous POSH meeting before this Fridays (and some came on this Fridays).
The previous POSH meeting I came to the realization (knew some of these before) that I am a "control freak" (which I knew but struggled for years on WHY), and that I turn to food, as when I eat I feel in control as NO ONE can control what I eat. I also learned that I don't like stating my true feelings as I don't want to hurt others (I didn't not know why as I can tell my husband things I am upset with or say it how it is but I can't to others). After doing a session of "Heart Math" during our POSH session (which I had done years ago in my Mindful Breathing Classes"), I began to feel that inner spark inside me beginning to grow and shine again, I felt stronger and when I left that meeting, I had a talk with someone about things that were upsetting me that they were doing, that I had kept in all these years. While it felt good to finally express them, I felt bad that it made them feel sad and the whole guilt thing came back about expressing my feelings. It's when I told another friend that life is so much easier when we just eat our emotions away than when we feel them and express them, that I realized I needed to get to the bottom of what is causing me to do this. Turning to food does NOT solve our problems, it just makes them worse. After chatting with another friend and my hubby and than journaling and reflecting I have come to some pretty profound conclusions, ones I have struggled for YEARS to know. I knew parts of these things (the layers) and I thought I had dealt with them, but it turns out the ROOT of these layers were buried so deep that I wasn't able to understand it until I got down to it.
1. I am a control freak - but why?
2. I eat for my emotions - but why?
3. I don't share my true feelings - but why?
Well, it turns out that I don't share my true feelings as I am scared to upset people, and if I upset them they may leave, so in turn I turn to food as the emotions bottled up inside me are far to powerful to feel and I need to eat the food to control the emotions. If I can't control what others do and say at least I can control what I put into my mouth and how it makes me feel.
Layers - these are all the things that were peeling away to help me see the big picture (with the help of some amazing Souls in my life, who each brought little pieces of the puzzle together to help me get to the root)
Root Cause - I couldn't control losing my Mom to cancer when I was four, so I try and control everything else in my life to get my power back from losing her. Also, by losing so many people close to me to death, I am scared to lose any more, hence why I always feel I need to keep the peace.
It's amazing how healing it can be to finally get to the "Root" of the problems you are having - it took YEARS to get here!. I really believe this had a huge effect on the 3 pds lost this week as it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and Soul. Do I know what to do with this new information and how to deal with it to solve it? NO, but at least I am now at the deepest layer of the issue and I can find ways to work through the root cause of it. I thought I had dealt with my Mom's passing all those years ago, but I guess I still have parts of my "inner child" that I need to heal and LET GO.
Going through these storms was NOT easy, but the rewards were well worth the rain. God never promised us only sunshine and rainbows BUT he did promise to be with us every step of the way, and that is what gets me through each and everyone of these storms along the way.
I truly believe people are put into our lives for a reason, and these last few weeks proved that. Each and every person that played a part in my journey has got me to the point I am at now whether they pushed my buttons to make me see issues and heal or held my hand to help me cope. Never regret ANYTHING or ANYONE from your past as they all played a part to make you who you are today. I am so thankful for these POSH meetings, as together as a group we have learned so many things and while my weight may not be where I would like it (cause I am REALLY wanting that tattoo!!!), the things I have walked away with each week have been more then worth the slow and steady walk to the finish line.
Never stop getting to the "Root" of your problems, I'm not gonna lie, it WILL be uncomfortable, you will go through storms and some days you may want to give up, but it is so rewarding mentally, emotionally and physically when you do. Yes, it is easier to take that pill or eat that food, but in the end where does covering up the issue get you?
Oddly enough since going through these storms, I have also experienced the most amazing spiritual things going on as well. I've had this amazing energy going through my "Crown Chakra" that feels like a waterfall clearing away all that was previously blocked. Just like the rain that is pouring down outside right now which is clearing away so much for so many, every thing always feels better after the cleanse!