Several years ago, an amazing Soul (who I believe does not realize the powerful gift he truly possess ) told me that our body is like an onion, and as we peel the layers away we begin to heal. At first I thought this doctor was "crazy" as I believed that once you think you are healed from something that's all that matters, end of story. Well he sure opened my eyes to so many things, and a powerful way of TRULY HEALING our body. So often we want a "quick fix", we want to pop a pill or crack a joint as it's so much easier to "mask" the real issue ("root of the problem") than it is to face it (I know as I did it my whole life). Peeling the layers can be hard work (mentally and physically), but do we really want to go through life masking issues? The most rewarding things in life take work, but the end result is 100x better than staying stuck.
As I was driving home bright and early this am from an apt. enjoying the freshly snow covered trees while the sun shown off in the distance, I had another "Aha Moment" (there is something about driving for me, that seems to be the greatest time for self reflection). A thought came to me about my conversation with Dr. Heather yesterday about WHY I turn to food for comfort. Before I started my healing journey YEARS ago, I never knew why I was eating, I would just "feel hungry" most of the time and eat. It wasn't until starting my journey back than that I realized that I wasn't really hungry half the time, I was just using food to hide feelings in me that I did not want to feel. When I felt bored, sad, lonely, angry etc...I would eat. After starting this POSH program I am seeing that my "onion" is beginning to peel even further. Yesterday, I peeled another layer as together we came to the conclusion that I turned to my Blankey/thumb as a child and than food when I got older as not only was it my comfort but it also made me feel in control (after all, I could use my thumb/blanket/food when ever I wanted). It was this morning that yet another "layer peeled". Yes, I felt in control with the above things, and when I was told last week that I would lose my "comfort food" now that I am on this program I felt like crying as not only did I feel like I was out of control, but I felt like something was being taken from me. During my drive, it hit me what the "root of my problem is". I realized that all my life I wanted to control things so I wouldn't lose them. When I was dating people, most times I would not allow my self to fully "be in the relationship" as I feared losing them, so I would leave before they had a chance to leave me (than I was in control). This morning it hit me that the root of this comes from losing my Mom at the age of 4, and so many loved ones along the way (Grandparents, friends, family) to death. I had "no control" over losing them, and I felt they were "taken from me", so not only did I use food to cover these feelings all these years (even though at the time I didn't even realize I was feeling this at such a deep level - here I thought I had healed all the losses years ago), but now I wanted to hang on to the "comfort food" as a way of not feeling that loss again deep with in me.
After that realization today, I finally felt the urge to really want to do this program again. I felt like something released in me (although I can feel that there are more layers going to come to the surface yet to heal, but at least I shed a few already) and that I didn't NEED to control things anymore (AS MUCH....I sense the control thing also has "roots" to peel away, even though at a "conscious" level I am not aware of them). It even gave me the ambition to clean out all my cupboards this morning and make room for all the new HEALTHY items I am going to be using. I felt such energy and passion again as I did when I first signed up for this program. I feel inspired again to get back into my healthy eating (that I have tried on and off for years). It's amazing how "freeing" you can feel when a layer peels away. I know I have a lot of peeling to do, but together with my the support in this program I can do it. I am so thankful for those powerful words I was told years ago.
*** NEVER forget how powerful your words can be. What may seem like a simple word to you, can make the WORLD of difference to another person. ALWAYS shine your light brightly, as it may just ignite the flame in another.
As I was driving home bright and early this am from an apt. enjoying the freshly snow covered trees while the sun shown off in the distance, I had another "Aha Moment" (there is something about driving for me, that seems to be the greatest time for self reflection). A thought came to me about my conversation with Dr. Heather yesterday about WHY I turn to food for comfort. Before I started my healing journey YEARS ago, I never knew why I was eating, I would just "feel hungry" most of the time and eat. It wasn't until starting my journey back than that I realized that I wasn't really hungry half the time, I was just using food to hide feelings in me that I did not want to feel. When I felt bored, sad, lonely, angry etc...I would eat. After starting this POSH program I am seeing that my "onion" is beginning to peel even further. Yesterday, I peeled another layer as together we came to the conclusion that I turned to my Blankey/thumb as a child and than food when I got older as not only was it my comfort but it also made me feel in control (after all, I could use my thumb/blanket/food when ever I wanted). It was this morning that yet another "layer peeled". Yes, I felt in control with the above things, and when I was told last week that I would lose my "comfort food" now that I am on this program I felt like crying as not only did I feel like I was out of control, but I felt like something was being taken from me. During my drive, it hit me what the "root of my problem is". I realized that all my life I wanted to control things so I wouldn't lose them. When I was dating people, most times I would not allow my self to fully "be in the relationship" as I feared losing them, so I would leave before they had a chance to leave me (than I was in control). This morning it hit me that the root of this comes from losing my Mom at the age of 4, and so many loved ones along the way (Grandparents, friends, family) to death. I had "no control" over losing them, and I felt they were "taken from me", so not only did I use food to cover these feelings all these years (even though at the time I didn't even realize I was feeling this at such a deep level - here I thought I had healed all the losses years ago), but now I wanted to hang on to the "comfort food" as a way of not feeling that loss again deep with in me.
After that realization today, I finally felt the urge to really want to do this program again. I felt like something released in me (although I can feel that there are more layers going to come to the surface yet to heal, but at least I shed a few already) and that I didn't NEED to control things anymore (AS MUCH....I sense the control thing also has "roots" to peel away, even though at a "conscious" level I am not aware of them). It even gave me the ambition to clean out all my cupboards this morning and make room for all the new HEALTHY items I am going to be using. I felt such energy and passion again as I did when I first signed up for this program. I feel inspired again to get back into my healthy eating (that I have tried on and off for years). It's amazing how "freeing" you can feel when a layer peels away. I know I have a lot of peeling to do, but together with my the support in this program I can do it. I am so thankful for those powerful words I was told years ago.
*** NEVER forget how powerful your words can be. What may seem like a simple word to you, can make the WORLD of difference to another person. ALWAYS shine your light brightly, as it may just ignite the flame in another.