My ship is SLOWLY beginning to "set sail", while it's terrifying it is also liberating at the same time. For so long I've had dreams inside me that laid dormant due to the fears in me that kept them there from being shared. I've struggled a long time trying to get over my fears, most times I would give up as they seemed to great to tackle, but the last year has been a life changing time for me in which I began to look my fears in the face and attempt to face them. I think a lot of it began when I took a trip out West with my sister last July. I faced MANY of my fears that I never in a million years thought I'd over come. When you are sick to your stomach, light headed like you are going to pass out and dripping in sweat from the thought of looking your fear in the face, there is nothing more freeing than feeling the feelings and continuing forward rather than letting the feelings take over and win yet again to keep you trapped in a place you don't want to be. Sailing down the Kicking Horse River in a raft, Soaring above the mountains in a helicopter and climbing to the peeks in a gondola did just that. This I believe was the start to the end of my fears. I felt so empowered and free, I didn't want to leave the West as I felt it was something in the mountain air that was helping me. When I got home, I didn't feel that freedom and I slowly began to crawl back into my "safe place" and stay in my harbor. I began to feel sad, angry and lost as I so wanted to feel that freedom yet again. Slowly over the course of this year I began to work up the courage to peek at some of my fears once again and each time I looked longer and deeper until I began to work up the courage that I had in Canmore. I'm proud to say that while I do have lots of fears left buried deep with in that I have to face, I did slowly begin to release more of them.
This week was another one of those "do I sail or do I stay in my harbor" weeks. I was given an opportunity to share my gifts of Reflexology with a group of Single Mom's this week. My heart wanted to do it and give back to others who so deserve it, yet the thoughts of taking the plunge and giving Reflexology to others (since I just got certified) who I don't know, with several other Reflexologists there terrified me, not to mention the fact of how would I get there since I am not a fan of driving (nocdelete that - I am TERRIFIED of driving more than 10 min from home!). At first I declined the offer and I felt my heart sink a little as this was my passion and my heart was calling me to do it. I stewed for a few hours on the pros and cons and thought to myself "do you want to stay trapped forever or do you want to release the ties that bind". Finally another email came through saying they are desperate to get another Reflexologist to come out and help. I don't know what made me change my mind but without thinking I replied back YES - OMGosh after I hit "send" I went in to "panic mode" and I thought "what did I just do". I thought of replying back with an excuse on why I couldn't make it but thought to myself "these women deserve to be pampered and the thought of one of them missing out because I am too scared is not good enough". Right away the fear took over and I went into my "all the bad things that could go wrong" mode. Than my sister's voice came into my head "What's the worst that could happen" and I began to "break down" the "bad things" and realized they weren't so bad after all. If I mess up the routine, who will notice, if I get lost driving, I'll call my husband to come get me" etc....Once I got back into the right frame of mind (where my fears no longer had control of my mind), I thought things through and decided to ask my husband to take me for a drive to see where I need to go (and in the back of my mind I thought "if it's too hard I will just cancel). On our drive I was very nervous but took down notes on landmarks to help me get there. Before I knew it we were there. After getting home I thought "I got this!" and I was ready. The next day a friend and I were talking about it and she asked me where it was. I immediately went into "panic mode" as I couldn't remember the directions (or rather I second guessed them), this created the fear to fester and made me think "I can't do this". I was ready to give up and BAIL when my husband reminded me after I got home that I had directions and I would be ok. I also decided if I was too nervous I would just have him drive me (yet I did not want this as I REALLY wanted my freedom back - before I would have just had him drive me). Today I woke up early to take my son to work and I decided I would do a "trial run" before tonight's retreat to make sure I am good to go (that way I am more calm/grounded when I arrive). I was nervous, but after dropping my son off I turned on my "Tenors" music and said a little prayer to my guides and loved ones and before I knew it the sun was shining on my face, the grass was glistening with dew, the Tenors where blarring in my car and I had arrived at my destination! WOW all the stress over nothing! On the way home I was feeling pretty proud of myself and with that two doves flew onto the road infront of me. I KNEW it was my Oma and Opa telling me they are with me every step of the way and will guide me. I felt a sense of peace come over me and my whole body filled with love, light and courage. (my passed on loved ones each send me a sign when they are around and my Oma and Opa happen to send doves. I also had a visit from my Uncle this week when he filled my house with the smell of "old spice" cologne - usually he sends lady bugs but I guess he felt I needed extra reassurance !). I can't begin to describe the feeling you have when you begin to set sail. It's still terrifying as heck but it's worth it in the end.
If there are two things in the world I could pass on to people it would be:
1. No matter how scary things are, slowly face them. Do NOT allow your fears to control your life. I did it for 36 years (and still do a little), and I have lost so much of my life due to it. Even if you just "peek" at them here and there until you work up the courage, it's better than staying stuck in your harbor where you can't grow and be free. When you go in to a moment of panic always break it down with "What's the worst that can happen"
2. Never forget our loved ones who pass are ALWAYS with us and looking after us. Many ask me how I always get signs yet they don't. You ARE getting signs, but most are too busy or don't believe to SEE them. It doesn't have to be a "knock you over the head" sign, it can be as simple as the coin on the ground, the feather floating through the air, the robin sitting in your window, a song on the radio, a scent in the air. I can't tell you how many times people tell me they aren't getting signs, yet when they tell me stories, their life is filled with them. Our passed on loved ones must get so frustrated when we keep walking past them! BELIEVE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE - just open your heart and eyes.
This week was another one of those "do I sail or do I stay in my harbor" weeks. I was given an opportunity to share my gifts of Reflexology with a group of Single Mom's this week. My heart wanted to do it and give back to others who so deserve it, yet the thoughts of taking the plunge and giving Reflexology to others (since I just got certified) who I don't know, with several other Reflexologists there terrified me, not to mention the fact of how would I get there since I am not a fan of driving (nocdelete that - I am TERRIFIED of driving more than 10 min from home!). At first I declined the offer and I felt my heart sink a little as this was my passion and my heart was calling me to do it. I stewed for a few hours on the pros and cons and thought to myself "do you want to stay trapped forever or do you want to release the ties that bind". Finally another email came through saying they are desperate to get another Reflexologist to come out and help. I don't know what made me change my mind but without thinking I replied back YES - OMGosh after I hit "send" I went in to "panic mode" and I thought "what did I just do". I thought of replying back with an excuse on why I couldn't make it but thought to myself "these women deserve to be pampered and the thought of one of them missing out because I am too scared is not good enough". Right away the fear took over and I went into my "all the bad things that could go wrong" mode. Than my sister's voice came into my head "What's the worst that could happen" and I began to "break down" the "bad things" and realized they weren't so bad after all. If I mess up the routine, who will notice, if I get lost driving, I'll call my husband to come get me" etc....Once I got back into the right frame of mind (where my fears no longer had control of my mind), I thought things through and decided to ask my husband to take me for a drive to see where I need to go (and in the back of my mind I thought "if it's too hard I will just cancel). On our drive I was very nervous but took down notes on landmarks to help me get there. Before I knew it we were there. After getting home I thought "I got this!" and I was ready. The next day a friend and I were talking about it and she asked me where it was. I immediately went into "panic mode" as I couldn't remember the directions (or rather I second guessed them), this created the fear to fester and made me think "I can't do this". I was ready to give up and BAIL when my husband reminded me after I got home that I had directions and I would be ok. I also decided if I was too nervous I would just have him drive me (yet I did not want this as I REALLY wanted my freedom back - before I would have just had him drive me). Today I woke up early to take my son to work and I decided I would do a "trial run" before tonight's retreat to make sure I am good to go (that way I am more calm/grounded when I arrive). I was nervous, but after dropping my son off I turned on my "Tenors" music and said a little prayer to my guides and loved ones and before I knew it the sun was shining on my face, the grass was glistening with dew, the Tenors where blarring in my car and I had arrived at my destination! WOW all the stress over nothing! On the way home I was feeling pretty proud of myself and with that two doves flew onto the road infront of me. I KNEW it was my Oma and Opa telling me they are with me every step of the way and will guide me. I felt a sense of peace come over me and my whole body filled with love, light and courage. (my passed on loved ones each send me a sign when they are around and my Oma and Opa happen to send doves. I also had a visit from my Uncle this week when he filled my house with the smell of "old spice" cologne - usually he sends lady bugs but I guess he felt I needed extra reassurance !). I can't begin to describe the feeling you have when you begin to set sail. It's still terrifying as heck but it's worth it in the end.
If there are two things in the world I could pass on to people it would be:
1. No matter how scary things are, slowly face them. Do NOT allow your fears to control your life. I did it for 36 years (and still do a little), and I have lost so much of my life due to it. Even if you just "peek" at them here and there until you work up the courage, it's better than staying stuck in your harbor where you can't grow and be free. When you go in to a moment of panic always break it down with "What's the worst that can happen"
2. Never forget our loved ones who pass are ALWAYS with us and looking after us. Many ask me how I always get signs yet they don't. You ARE getting signs, but most are too busy or don't believe to SEE them. It doesn't have to be a "knock you over the head" sign, it can be as simple as the coin on the ground, the feather floating through the air, the robin sitting in your window, a song on the radio, a scent in the air. I can't tell you how many times people tell me they aren't getting signs, yet when they tell me stories, their life is filled with them. Our passed on loved ones must get so frustrated when we keep walking past them! BELIEVE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE - just open your heart and eyes.