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It's been a little while since last posting (and a crazy busy week). I've been trying to "re learn" to not use the word "cheat" when I make "unhealthy choices". In the past while dieting, if we made an unhealthy choice it was a "cheat", but along with that word came the guilt and shame of giving in and failing. I STILL catch myself saying "cheat" on this lifestyle change and with it, feeling the guilt and shame. But H & H are quick to remind me at our meetings that's not the case anymore. I know it will take time to re learn this new way of thinking, but I am starting on the right track, as the other night while on a fabulous getaway to a Tenors concert I chose to have salad for dinner instead of all the other yummy things that were oh so tempting at the buffet and felt satisfied and proud of my choice. BUT after the show the temptation of the oh so yummy homemade cheesecake in our room won over my willpower. While I enjoyed every last lick and didn't feel a darn bit of guilt, I sure paid for it later when my body let me know my choice was not a good one (along with a few other choices I made this weekend). Although I did make rather unhealthy choices, it was great not feeling guilt and shame for them as I felt in control rather than eating even more unhealthy choices due to the guilt and the emotions I normally would have in the past when I felt like I failed. Now my body is letting me know that these are unhealthy choices rather than when my mind would in the past. A huge part of the unhealthy choices this weekend is not taking the time to pre plan. I find I do AWESOME during the week when I have set routines, but when something throws me off track (like staying over night for the Tenors concert and coming home and not having time to get groceries and pre plan) I find it VERY hard to get back on track. I am noticing though that getting back on track is getting quicker and easier than in the past - usually a day or 2 (sometimes even the next meal) where in the past it could be weeks, months or years. I am learning more and more on this journey about myself, my weaknesses and my strengths and slowly learning to embrace them all. It is really helping having H and H re teaching me how to word things into a positive rather than a negative as words are so POWERFUL and it really can change how you react - it's NOT easy to re learn how to speak to ourselves but it sure is rewarding in the end.
I've had a few set backs with wanting to start adding exercise into my days. I decided to start with sit ups, but those left me in 2 hours of extreme pain the following morning due to some injuries I have had for years, so I decided to go out and buy a Fitbit to keep track of my walking and will work my way up to at least 10 000 steps a day - it's gonna take time but it's a step in the right direction. Personally for me, right now my main focus is my eating, pre planning and trying to not make unhealthy choices and when I feel ready, adding more exercise into my routine will be an added bonus. I can honestly say I am looking forward to getting to the grocery store tomorrow and stocking up on HEALTHY food and pre planning my weeks meals as things flow so much smoother when I am on track (mentally, physically and emotionally).
Thanks to the encouragement from my sister, I took another step forward today, and stepped foot in a church again. This step was HUGE for me as I've struggled with the thought of going back since my breakdown in 2009. While I thought I had healed from those experiences, it's obvious that I still have some layers of onions to peel, but today was a step in that direction. Will I be a weekly member? I can't say at this moment in time, but I can tell you that I did find it interesting and my wheels were turning (I'm surprised no one saw the smoke coming out of my ears!). It was a rollercoaster of emotion from nervousness, to fear, anxiety and sadness and than "release" and "wonder". I even look forward to going back and checking it out a little further (it also helped that this church is a non religious one compared to others I have been to in the past so that helped a LOT!). When we allow our emotions to re surface and we can forgive others for the hurts they have caused us with their words and actions than we truly begin to heal (the hardest is when you think you have done that and than a layer comes up to be cleansed).
All in all, it's been a week of many learning curves, lessons and celebrations and I look forward to seeing where this journey takes me.
Now to head to bed and see what my dreams have to tell me tonight after all "Dreams are the windows to the world"
Night Everyone!
P.S. just an FYI - thanks to my cousin I found this amazing blog on Facebook that is so inspiring - take a peek, she has amazing stories, tips and recipes - I find her very inspiring!
"Jenny's Losing it" - type in search bar - she is from the K-W area
I've had a few set backs with wanting to start adding exercise into my days. I decided to start with sit ups, but those left me in 2 hours of extreme pain the following morning due to some injuries I have had for years, so I decided to go out and buy a Fitbit to keep track of my walking and will work my way up to at least 10 000 steps a day - it's gonna take time but it's a step in the right direction. Personally for me, right now my main focus is my eating, pre planning and trying to not make unhealthy choices and when I feel ready, adding more exercise into my routine will be an added bonus. I can honestly say I am looking forward to getting to the grocery store tomorrow and stocking up on HEALTHY food and pre planning my weeks meals as things flow so much smoother when I am on track (mentally, physically and emotionally).
Thanks to the encouragement from my sister, I took another step forward today, and stepped foot in a church again. This step was HUGE for me as I've struggled with the thought of going back since my breakdown in 2009. While I thought I had healed from those experiences, it's obvious that I still have some layers of onions to peel, but today was a step in that direction. Will I be a weekly member? I can't say at this moment in time, but I can tell you that I did find it interesting and my wheels were turning (I'm surprised no one saw the smoke coming out of my ears!). It was a rollercoaster of emotion from nervousness, to fear, anxiety and sadness and than "release" and "wonder". I even look forward to going back and checking it out a little further (it also helped that this church is a non religious one compared to others I have been to in the past so that helped a LOT!). When we allow our emotions to re surface and we can forgive others for the hurts they have caused us with their words and actions than we truly begin to heal (the hardest is when you think you have done that and than a layer comes up to be cleansed).
All in all, it's been a week of many learning curves, lessons and celebrations and I look forward to seeing where this journey takes me.
Now to head to bed and see what my dreams have to tell me tonight after all "Dreams are the windows to the world"
Night Everyone!
P.S. just an FYI - thanks to my cousin I found this amazing blog on Facebook that is so inspiring - take a peek, she has amazing stories, tips and recipes - I find her very inspiring!
"Jenny's Losing it" - type in search bar - she is from the K-W area